903! Who you kiddin!
by rileyonline
Summary: The audience disagrees with the Doctor. Basically a parody set at the end of the latest Voyage of the Damned trailer. Couldn't resist XD Second Parody up! The Doctor meets The Fan!
1. The Audience

**(A/N) A lil parody that came to mind after I watched the latest trailer for Voyage of the Damned. Enjoy **

**Music starts. The Doctor is walking towards the camera.**

"I'm the Doctor, I'm a Time Lord. I'm 903 years old and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"

**Screen starts to fade to black when the camera suddenly arrives in the dining room, where the audience are staring up at the screen.**

"Well, actually, yes." A woman stands in the crowd. "Since _when_ were you nine hundred _and three _years old?"

Another figure stands. "Yeah! Your sixth incarnation said you were 900 over twenty years ago! You gone completely nuts or something?"

"Either that or he's tryin' to look young! Probably thought when he hit the 930 mark he'd start goin' backwards!"

The audience shouts in agreement. "YEAH!"

The Doctor stared at them, his eyes wide with shock. "What?"

"You can't lie to us mate! We've been followin' you since 1963!"

"So you can't be nine hundred and three! Or you've just had the most eventful three years of your life – which we _doubt_!"

"And even though we had a break from you from 1989 to 2005 we still know our maths!"

"_What?_"

"See! We ain't as stupid as you thought!"

"Yeah!"

"YEAH!"

"AND along with all the specials and books and stuff you've been getting up to behind our backs you're bound to be what, nearly a thousand?"

"_Nearly a-?_ Ok!" The Doctor said, "Ok, I admit… I may have lost count…"

"Lost count? Who's leg are you tryin' to pull?!"

"All right. Lets try it again." He composes himself.

**Music starts. The Doctor is walking towards the camera.**

"I'm the Doctor, I'm a Time Lord. I'm 945 years old and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"

Screen fades to black. 

_Small 'phew!' is heard in the background._

**(A/N) I have no idea what the Doctor's actual age is but it isn't 903!!**


	2. The Fan

**(A/N) Another Parody for you. I blame Jessa L'Rynn wholeheartedly for there being a mini-sequel :D read that review, seriously. Basically the same idea, but with a new age and a new character we all know so well ****:D Hope you like!**

"You look good for 903."

"You should see me in the mornings."

"Ok."

The Doctor stares, then the sound of someone munching on toast is heard, and the Doctor looks around to see a young woman sitting beside them.

"Oh, don't mind me. Please continue lying to the waitress that looks like Kylie."

"Lying?"

"Yep. What age did you say you were again?"

"Nine hundred and… oh _no_, not this again."

"Afraid so."

"_Kylie_?" Astrid asks, confused.

"Look, can't I get a moment's peace without someone questioning me about my age?"

"Who are you?"

"I'll get to that in a minute. Because this Time Lord is a lot older than 903. Plus, coming back to your earlier hint, to be quite honest you've got more chance seeing him in the mornings than I do." She pauses, then whispers loudly, "_Big tease. No action._" She takes another bite of toast,

The Doctor stares at her, "So who are you?"

"I'm the Fan."

"What?"

"You know. The Fan. Some people actually call me 'the Fanbase', but that really doesn't have the same ring to it. I mean imagine introducing yourself as 'Hello, I'm the Fanbase', Fanbase, Fan_base_. Ugh. Makes my skin crawl. My metaphorical skin."

"And how exactly do you know I'm not 903? I've already had a problem with the people in the dining room after my big introduction…"

"Well that's just it, because I'm gonna keep showing up every time you say your 903. In the form of many people, or in the form of one, i.e. me. And _you_, have a lot of explaining to do."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Oh yes. Because your seventh incarnation said that both you and the Rani were nine five three. Nine hundred and fifty three. Now you saying that you are now nine zero three is really kind of annoying. Especially for us getting a bit long-in-the-tooth."

"But – but how did you know that?"

"Oh come on sweetie, you _really_ haven't noticed how since a specific time in 1963, your life has been a lot more eventful, with a lot more 'duh-duh-DUH' moments? I mean before you were some old codger with two hearts who lived on a planet that resembled a giant tangerine."

"Gallifrey does not resemble a giant tangerine!"

"Keep telling yourself that, love."

"Stop!" Astrid shouts, "Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on? First of all – who's Kylie?"

"Well… uh…"

"That doesn't matter, because the Fan is leaving." The Doctor said, "I can take you insulting me, but insulting Gallifrey…"

"Dude, you were the one who killed it. Besides, I haven't offended you. I'm just trying to persuade you to tell the truth about your age."

"Well isn't 903 old enough?"

"Nope, not to us it isn't. We're all about being specific. Especially when your second cycle's life was lengthened by Celestial Intervention. 903 is just too young. A select few of us can take the 945 mark, but the majority of us believe your true age to be around 1200." She finishes last piece of toast.

"_1200_?"

"Sorry mate. Anyway, as Astrid now knows your true age, I'm off. But say 903 again and-!"

"I know."

"Oh – by the way, before I go, don't regenerate any time soon. Your tenth has been our favourite so far after we got over the departure of-!"

"_Ok_. Just go."

"Toodles!" The Fan disappears.

Astrid looks at the Doctor, "Your not really 1200 are you?"

"Apparently so…"

"So, tell me. Who _is_ Kylie?"

(A/N) Not sure if I liked how that one panned out. I may continue doing Parodies throughout the next series, depending on whether RTD makes another silly mistake. Anywho – review if you like :D


	3. Author's Note

(A/N) Oh ma gawd. In VotD he said it again. TWICE! You know what I'm on about lol. Plus how many people died in the Xmas special?! I was well on my way to slitting my wrists! If I hadn't had David Tennant to swoon over there would have been no hope for me. Oh and Kylie? Not bad… not bad. Anyway, back to my Parodies, still waiting for something else to make me go 'ARGH!' and 'WHY?!'… well maybe that Astrid Perth thing (which actually means 'Part TARDIS') – I mean why put that in there if your not gonna use it? lesigh. Anywho's, Merry Chrimbo everyone :). Plus, please review to note your irritations (if there are any).

Oh, and I just looooved the Bannakaffalatta. "Can I just call you Banna? It'd save a lot of time–" – "_No! Bannakaffalatta!_" – "Ok… Bannakaffalatta…"


End file.
